Hurts so good.
Maybe you’re interested in having rough sex, but don’t know how to bring it up to your partner.
Maybe you are already having rough sex, but would like to change it up a bit.
Whatever the case, you’re here because you’d like to start having Rough Sex YOUR way. Let’s talk about it!
Here are 6 quick and easy tips you can implement tonight from our co-founder and Head Sexpert Candice.
Talk with your partner beforehand about your limits.
If you are planning to try something new, such as spanking, impact play, biting, or scratching, make sure to discuss your intentions first with your partner, and practice — especially if you are trying a new toy. You may have enjoyed a hand spanking in the past, but that new paddle is definitely going to have a different sensation! Test it out, first.
Have a safe word or stoplight code handy.
Rough sex can bring up intense emotions, so prep with a stoplight code: while Green is good to go, Yellow can mean slow down, and Red means Stop entirely. This gives you a code to handle intensity, rather than a single Safe word which means stop completely. You can also use a numeric code, if you prefer.
Start your play with some pressure and impact calibration.
Rate the play on a scale of 1 to 5 to let your partner know how much harder or softer you would like them to go. Ask your partner as well how much harder or softer they would like you to go. This will help you both get on the same page, because your partner’s definition of “rough” may be a lot rougher than you want— or, it may be too light!
Have extra lube on hand.
Just because you want rough sex doesn’t mean you want dry sex! Rough sex, as with any other sex, is better with extra glide!
Get in the mood with a wild, sexy playlist that makes you feel primal.
Try one of these sexy Spotify playlists from The KinkKit, for example — we included it below!
Use your teeth.
Biting and nibbling can be a great way to get in the mood for rough sex, as can scratching. Make sure to cut and buff your nails before scratching your partner, as hangnails can prove quite painful.
Find a sexy erotic story that details a Rough scene you’d like to act out with your partner.
Talk it over together: what parts of that story do you want to act out in reality? Which parts are fantasy? If you want to really kink it up a notch, you can choose to roleplay as the characters in the scene and say what they are saying or make up your own dialogue.
Want some erotic games to complement your Rough romp in the sheets? Try our Control Kit, which was designed to add some sexy Domination powerplay to your bedroom fun.
Want more tips on how to get the Rough Sex you want? See this excerpt from an article we contributed to for Cosmopolitan:
“Asking for rougher sex really does just boil down to having an actual Grown Ups Using Potentially Formal-Sounding Words discussion with your partner. It's not as simple as just saying, "Be rougher!" because that could mean 40 different things and odds are, you'll only want it to mean a very specific 10 things. Here's how to do that.
1. Discuss limits beforehand.
What’s on the table and what’s off the table for you? Don’t be afraid to ask specifically for what you would like to try, and see what your partner thinks. “If you are planning to try something new, such as spanking, impact play, biting, or scratching, make sure to discuss your intentions first with your partner,” says Candice Smith, Co-Founder of The KinkKit. You’ll also want to set up a safeword ahead of time, so you both have an out if things go too far. Using stoplight codes can also be handy during rougher sex, says Smith. Saying “green” means you’re good, “yellow” is a warning to slow down, and “red” means stop.”